


Baby Fever

by thekashiwagiway



Category: Peach Girl
Genre: Babysitting, F/F, Hospitals, they're already in a serious relationship tho, this is sort of a weird one idk what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 10:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20241676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekashiwagiway/pseuds/thekashiwagiway
Summary: Momo thinks she and Sae are ready for a baby, but Sae's not entirely convinced.  The only baby they have to practice on is Miyu, and Sae gets in her own head and messes it up pretty immediately. What's her deal with babies, anyway? What's Momo's? Let's unpack this baggage together, ladies.





	Baby Fever

Bustling people and low beeping from down the hall made Sae feel on edge. More on edge than she would otherwise, considering everything. The air hung heavy, made unbearable by the number of other people in the room around her. Sitting on the uncomfortable, plastic waiting room chair brought to mind some sort of cruel and unusual punishment enacted upon her as if she had died, went to hell, and was forced to suffer for all eternity, and there was an audience to watch it all happen.  


She knew she deserved it: the waiting, the agony, going to hell in general, probably. For once, though, she wasn’t anxious about an outcome on her own behalf. No one else involved deserved this. Well, no one really deserved anything she inflicted on them, but especially not in this situation. She clenched the fabric of her skirt tightly in her hands, wringing it, not knowing what she was trying to achieve in doing so.  


Hospitals weren’t Sae’s favorite places to begin with. The distinct scent of linoleum flooring alone made her want to vomit. She could overcome this feeling most times, but now… Lowering her head into her trembling hands, she started to cry, trying not to disturb anyone else waiting around her.  


She’d have to call Toji. She’d have to call Momo. She’d have to tell both of them that she fucked up again and did so so terribly that she was sure they’d never want anything to do with her ever again. She just wished she was in a nightmare and that she’d wake up soon, begged that she’d wake up soon.  


  


\- - - - - - - - -  


  


“Thanks for watching Miyu today,” Toji said tiredly, standing in the doorway with Miyu on his hip.  


“Our pleasure!” Momo replied with a grin, grabbing Miyu’s hands with thumbs and index fingers. “We love our little Miyu!”  


“I really couldn’t do this without you.” Toji gently touched Momo’s forearm with his free hand. “With everything going on right now… Seriously, Adachi, thank you.”  


“Hey!” Sae barked. “Watch the hands, Tojigamori!” She stood behind Momo with arms crossed, glaring at Toji and conscious his every move like a rat trying to cross a busy sidewalk. Not that she was comparing herself to a rat because rats are ugly and gross, just that she had her eye on him.  


Months before—hell, really almost a year—Momo and Toji concluded that things wouldn’t work out between them. The breakup was more or less amicable apparently, since Momo and Toji seemed to be on decent terms. It still bugged Sae; she and Momo started dating somewhat casually a month or so later, and as things got more serious, she never doubted Momo’s loyalty or anything like that. It’s just that she didn’t entirely trust Toji. He made a damn good baby, though, so she tolerated him.  


Toji sighed and put his hand down with a reluctant smile. “Okay, Kashiwagi.”  


“Cool it, Sae,” Momo said, eyerolling as verbally as possible without actually rolling her eyes.  


Sae, completely having cooled it, bumped Momo aside slightly to cradle Miyu’s face.  


“Good-bye my little bundle of perfect!” She sang.  


“Bye-bye!” Miyu replied with her perfect trademarked Miyu smile and a wave.  


Squealing and removing her hands from Miyu, Sae danced a little in place. She didn’t consider herself a baby fan or a squealer, but how could she not squeal about that cute shit? “Bye-bye, Miyu!” She repeated in a higher pitch.  


“Bye-bye!”  


Sae’s made a serious face and placed a hand on Miyu’s shoulder. “I would kill for you.”  


“Quit,” Momo scolded, flicking the side of Sae’s head.  


“Ouch!” Sae rubbed her wound and frowned at Momo. “What, you wouldn’t kill for her?”  


“Don’t put words in my mouth.”  


“Well,” Toji interrupted with a throat clear, his mouth upturned in a nervous smile. “You know, if you two ever just want to spend time with her, I can always bring her over.”  


“You should just leave her with us,” Sae said plainly.  


With a laugh, Toji eyed Sae cautiously as if she were seriously considering stealing his baby. He was right and she was, but the low opinion he had of Sae admittedly stung. “I’ve gotta get going, but thanks again!”  


“Bye, Miyu!” Momo called after them.  


“Bye-bye!” Miyu replied.  


Momo paused. “Oh, bye, Toji.”  


Toji laughed again, much more amicably, and waved behind him as he walked out the door.  


“God, I love that baby,” Momo said wistfully. “I already miss her.”  


“We should just steal her,” Sae answered, hugging Momo’s waist from behind and resting her head on Momo’s shoulder. “It’s not like we haven’t already stolen her once from Shiori.”  


“We didn’t steal her from Toji’s mother-in-law, Sae,” Momo leaned her own head against Sae’s. “We just convinced her to give Miyu to Toji.”  


“Well I, for one, was completely planning on just straight-up taking that baby like a thief in the night.”—she heard Momo let out a short exhale of reluctant laughter— “I just… Wish she didn’t have to go, you know? It’s so empty without her.”  


Then came the heavy pause. “So,” Momo started, a strange lilt to her voice, “you think we should have… Something to make the house feel less empty?”  


“Yes…?”  


“Something of the baby persuasion…?”  


“Miyu’s a baby, so…”  


Momo spun around at a speed incomprehensible to human eyes and grasped Sae’s hands in her own. She locked Sae into intense eye contact, her grin taking up half her face. This is the moment Sae realized she was dating a possessed woman.  


“We should have a baby,” Momo said in a hushed, excited tone.  


Sae’s mouth hung open in a smile, twisting briefly into shapes suggesting that she was about to say something. “We” was the only word she could get out.  


Momo’s smile quickly faded. “Yes, ‘we!’ What, do you think I’m going to have a baby alone? We’ve been dating for months now, we live together—.”  


“That’s not what I was—.”  


“We’re almost thirty, Sae, and I do want three kids. It’s not like you didn’t know about that.”  


“I… Well, when you enter a relationship with another woman, it just sort of seems like traditional things like marriage and kids fly out the window at that point.”  


“Plenty of women have kids together.”  


“Sure, I just—.”  


“Why do you have such a big problem with this?” It almost sounded as if Momo were about to cry.  


“Oh, my god! Can we not fight about this?” Sae threw her head back in exasperation. “I didn’t even say anything or mean anything by saying, you know, a single syllable, I just…” Her voice trailed off.  


“‘You just’ what?”  


Crossing her arms, Sae hunched over and tapped her foot. She looked away from Momo, tugging at the sleeve of her shirt, wanting Momo to just drop it.  


“Well?” Momo’s voice got louder.  


“I don’t think I’d be a good mom!” Sae shouted at Momo, not meaning to. She took a deep breath and looked away again. “God, you’d be a fantastic mom, I just! I wouldn’t! I’m a cool aunt at most! Okay? That make you feel good about yourself?”  


As if a switch flipped, the atmosphere completely changed. Momo took a step forward, reaching a hand out. “Sae…”  


“Don’t!” Sae stepped backwards. “I don’t want your pity!”  


“Why don’t you think you’d be a good mom? You took care of Miyu almost every single day for, like, six months or something.”  


“Only for a couple hours at a time. I’m just her babysitter. It’s not like she’s spent the night with me alone or anything. And what if something goes wrong? I wouldn’t know what to do! I, I don’t trust myself taking care of her alone! I know Toji doesn’t either!”  


“That’s not true…”  


“Bullshit.”  


“Sae, I—.”  


“I’ll mess her up. I’ll hurt her. I, I, I… I can’t be responsible for a baby! I…”  


“Hey,” Momo said in an even voice, wrapping her arms around Sae. “Chill out, crazy. You’ve spent more time with Miyu than I have, and you haven’t done any of that yet.”  


Sae caught her breath. “It’s just a matter of time, though…”  


“How about next time I go out of town you watch Miyu so you know for sure you can take care of her?”  


“What if something does happen? You want me to tell Toji? He wouldn’t let me see her again!”  


Pausing to think for a moment, Momo let Sae out of her embrace and placed a hand on each arm. “How about this, then? This weekend Miyu comes to spend the night, and I’ll spend the night at Kako’s. So, if something happens, I can rush on over.”  


“Who’s that? Your girlfriend?”  


“Hey, dumb-dumb. Don’t change the subject. I believe in you, alright? So, stop being a bitch.”  


“Ugh, that’s like me asking you to stop being, like… Cute. Or…”  


“Ew. What are you, gay?”  


“I couldn’t think of an insult!”  


Momo kissed Sae on the cheek. “Hey, if it doesn’t work out, we can just get a dog.”  


“Yeah, I’d rather Okayasu move in with us than get a dog.”  


“Same difference.”  


  


\- - - - - - - - -  


  


Miyu turned into a real piece of work after she learned the word “no.” That’s all she said: “no”—well, that and “die,” which Sae accidentally taught to her. Having any sort of conversation with the toddler would consist of an actual thought and “no, die,” as the reply. Sae didn’t care, though. That’s basically what the conversations with her sister had devolved into. And her brother. And her mom.  


Regardless, Sae knew this baby had a much more extensive vocabulary than she led on. She was old enough that she should, and Sae’s heard her say several other words, but she sure has favorites.  


“Duck,” Miyu said, pointing at the TV screen from her spot on the floor. She also liked that word.  


“That’s a crane,” Sae replied, sitting on her knees next to Miyu.  


“Duck.”  


“That’s a peacock. You’re bad at this.”  


Sae dumped more puffs into the little bowl at Miyu’s feet. When Miyu wasn’t looking, she’d take a couple. Miyu would pick them up, crunch on them, and then drop the end half on the ground. It was so endearing to Sae, especially because she knew Momo would have a fit if she knew about all the crumbs being dropped on her floor.  


The little hairs on the top of Miyu’s head stood up in a cowlick. Her hair had gotten so long; she wore her hair in pigtails now. Sae reached over and tugged on one gently, like she was making sure it wasn’t fake.  


“No,” Miyu said with a frown. She looked up with Sae with her big, adorable brown eyes.  


Sae smiled.  


The sound of the television—babbling of a children’s show Sae paid very little attention to—was interspersed with feeble noises, almost a growling or clicking. Maybe a tapping.  


With every sound, Sae watched Miyu tremor. On immediate instinct, Sae tried to ignore it. She processed that thought, scolded herself briefly, and leaned over.  


“Hey, Miyu,” Sae said, putting a hand on Miyu’s shoulder and turning her slightly. “You all…?”  


Red splotches covered Miyu’s face, heat radiating off it. It looked swollen. Miyu scrunched her face in discomfort. A guttural noise bubbled in her throat—the noise about to erupt from her mouth was going to be catastrophic. The sobbing, the yelling…  


Without hesitating, without thinking, Sae scooped Miyu up and sprinted out of the house. She hailed a cab, and thoughts only came as she sat down inside.  


What did she do? What happened?  


Sae thought she did everything right. It had been three hours; she watched Miyu for longer than that before! Self-fulfilling prophecy: that’s what it was. She knew she’d fuck it up and she did.  


Miyu sobbed in her arms, rubbing her own face. What could Sae do? She felt powerless, she felt scared. What could she do? What could she do? What could she do?  


So, she sat in the waiting room: scared, powerless. And, more than anything, she was a coward, and she knew full well that she was a coward. She couldn’t tell Toji, and the only way she could tell Momo was with a quick text.  


Sae was a coward, and she was scared, and she was helpless.  


Time passed so slowly. Sae ran to the bathroom several times to vomit but would end up just dry heaving into the sink. She wanted to get rid of the sick feeling, she wanted to make the time pass.  


Finally, feeling like days later, a nurse walked out.  


“You can follow me,” she said, her voice light. Sae did.  


Another nurse handed Miyu to the first nurse, and almost immediately they were ushered back into the lobby.  


“Your baby is fine,” the nurse said with a smile as they walked. “She’s having a minor allergic reaction to something she ate. It’ll make her face swell a little and she’ll get itchy, but it’s by no means life-threatening. We just gave her some Benadryl, so she’ll be feeling better before too long.”  


“Oh…” Sae’s face heated up with embarrassment.  


“You did the right thing,” the nurse’s voice was annoyingly reassuring. “You didn’t know. Better safe than sorry.”  


“Right…”  


The nurse gingerly handed Miyu to Sae, Miyu struggling just slightly before adjusting herself comfortably in Sae’s arms. Sae felt too exhausted to cry.  


“Sae!” she heard Momo call, rushing to Sae’s side and hovering with frantic movements. “Oh, my god! Is Miyu all right?”  


“She’s sleeping right now,” Sae answered. “She had what they call in the medical community a ‘minor allergic reaction,’ so they gave her Benadryl.”  


Momo paused. “Benadryl?”  


Sae breathed in reply.  


“Oh… Well…” Momo shifted uncomfortably. “That’s good! I’m glad she’s alright!”  


Sae searched for the insincerity in Momo’s voice, trying to gauge whether or not it’d be best to break up with her and save both of them the trouble, but redirected her attention to Miyu stirring.  


“You’ve had a rough night,” Momo said reaching in Sae’s direction. “Let me take Miyu.”  


Sae stayed silent, not even looking in Momo’s direction. “I messed up.”  


Momo tried again. “Sae…”  


With a scowl, Sae finally turned towards Momo, the heat of panic rising to her face. “I can’t lose another baby!” she yelled.  


What was really frustrating was that, even in the moment, Sae knew full well that she’d never lost a baby before. She lost the idea of a fake baby in high school and almost killed her dog as a kid, she knew that, but of course the rational part of her brain was stuck behind a thick layer of glass. She just had to sit there and watch this crazy woman parade around in her body and say and do whatever the hell she wanted. She didn’t recognize herself. And no matter how hard she pounded on the glass begging to say something, to clear things up, she of course couldn’t get through. She felt like one of those mother bears that gets so possessive over her cubs that she’ll hurt anything in her general vicinity just to be safe. To be clear, she wouldn’t usually compare herself to a big, ugly, smelly animal, but that’s exactly what she was.  


What was worse was that she waited for Momo to give her that look. That “oh, I feel so bad for you” look that everyone gives her just so she could feel justified for yelling at her more. What was wrong with her? Who hurt her so damn badly that she couldn’t even control herself? That she wanted an excuse to yell at her girlfriend that’s given her so many more chances than she deserved?  


But Momo didn’t do that. In fact, her expression stayed more like a brick wall than anything else. Stupid, open-book Momo had some incomprehensible expression on her face after all of this.  


“I’ll call us a cab,” Momo said in a measured tone, looking at her cellphone.  


The cab ride would suck. Sae knew it’d suck. Anxiety gripped her windpipe as she climbed in.  


The toddler on Sae’s lap slept comfortably against her chest in her Benadryl-induced sleep. Sae held her tighter as Momo sat next to her.  


Momo wouldn’t look at Sae. The action of Momo not looking at her exuded this overwhelming aura of disappointment. The grip on Sae’s windpipe got tighter.  


“I’m…” Sae said, moving her mouth as if words would follow naturally. None did.  


“Yeah?” Momo replied, glancing at Sae out of the corner of her eye.  


“I’m sorry. For yelling. I… I haven’t… It’s dumb that I…”  


“I understand.”  


“No, you don’t. I just…”  


“Hey,” Momo placed that comforting hand on Sae’s arm, “you don’t have to explain anything to me. You’re stressed, and I’m sure this has… Touched a nerve. Thank you for apologizing.”  


“You don’t understand, though, like… I mean, I know I didn’t lose a baby, but I… Ryo…”  


“Pshaw. I’ve had a miscarriage. It’s no biggie. But I get you freaking out, you know? The first time I was around and Miyu got a fever, I was a mess. Toji was, too.”  


Another pang of guilt shot through Sae’s heart. “Miscarriage?”  


“Oh, sure. That’s the part you focus on.” Momo sighed and smiled longingly.  


“When?”  


“With Toji. Not that it was his, just… While I was with him. I just kept it quiet. I mean, what was I gonna do? Be like, ‘Hey, Toji! I just miscarried! And I know what you’re thinking: we haven’t gotten past second base! And you’re right! It’s Okayasu’s!’ Or… ‘It would’ve been…?’”  


No one spoke for a moment.  


“You know all of my shit,” Sae started, unable to let go of her latent and pent-up anger, her voice louder than intended, “why haven’t you told me all of yours?”  


“I have now!” Momo protested. “And miscarriages are just such a bummer to talk about.”  


“But all you do is whine and complain.”  


“Coming from you?”  


Sae didn’t reply. She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.”  


“It’s fine. It’s just… Hard. To talk about, to deal with... I’m afraid to try again like… Maybe it was for a reason, you know? I guess it was. It wasn’t a great time to be having Okayasu’s child, but I mean… Maybe it was because I’d be a bad mom, you know?”  


“No way.”  


“I don’t know.”  


“Come on, Momo. You’re dumb, but not that dumb. You’re the kindest, most sincere person I’ve ever met. And you’re super bossy. You’d be the best mom.”  


Momo chuckled. “Well… Thank you… If I’m bossy in your book, I must be a bitch,” she paused. “I’m not good at not getting my hopes up, anyway. Didn’t stop me from wanting a baby.”  


“Wow, you coulda fooled me.”  


  


\- - - - - - - - -  


  


Getting home didn’t feel great. Piling out of the cab felt like entering the second phase of a nightmare. Momo wasted no time going to the door.  


Key in lock, Momo turned it slightly and reached for the doorknob.  


“Am I crazy?” Sae said. Momo stopped mid-movement.  


“Nah,” she started, pushing her way inside. “You’re just a worrier.”  


“I thought when we started dating,”—taking careful steps, Sae followed Momo—“you promised to be the worrier.”  


“I’ve just rubbed off on you.”  


Sae didn’t say anything else. She laid Miyu on the couch, propping her head up with a small pillow and covering her with a blanket. She sat on the floor next to her, leaning her back against the couch.  


“Why not put her to bed?” Momo asked, stopped on the way to the stairs.  


“I wouldn’t be able to sleep,” Sae answered. “I know that I won’t, anyway.”  


“Why not?”  


“Too much adrenaline, I guess. My sleeping meds barely work most of the time, and I just know that they won’t tonight.” Plus, what if they did and something happened while she was asleep? How would she live with herself?  


Momo sighed and settled herself in next to Sae, resting her head on Sae’s shoulder. “Guess I’ve gotta stay up with you, then.”  


The TV switched on, and Sae muted it. She needed background noise, or images, or something.  


“Are you all right?” Momo asked.  


“No,” Sae replied. “I thought I was going to lose Miyu… And then I’d lose you.” She swallowed hard. “I was so scared, I… I don’t want to be alone again, and… And, and more than that, I don’t… I don’t want to hurt either of you… I mean, you don’t deserve the grief of, of…”  


“Gross, are you confessing your deepest darkest fears to me?”  


“Shut up.”  


Momo chuckled quietly. “I’m scared, too. Of being alone, I mean. Of losing the people I care about… Of losing you.”  


Sae grunted in agreement.  


“That’s why I stayed with Kairi for so long,” Momo continued, “because I don’t want to be alone, you know? And why I started dating Toji right after.”  


Sae shifted in place. “And then me?”  


“Jeez, no… But I’m not alone now... Are you?”  


“’Course not.”  


The silence that followed the conversation was comforting, knowing nothing else really had to be said. It didn’t take long for Momo to fall asleep after that. Sae flipped through the channels on her TV, not stopping for anything, just wanting to do something without disturbing anyone. She watched the blue light of the television reflect off Momo’s face pressed against her shoulder, off Miyu’s, listening to their slow breathing. Suddenly, an overwhelming pressure overcame Sae: people depended on her. People had their faith invested in none other than Sae Kashiwagi. And there’d be one more person—a tiny, innocent person—that would if she had a baby.  


Look what happened to Sora.  


The room started closing in, the static of the muted TV became louder and louder. She was suffocating, drowning, surrounded by mechanical blue light. Everyone deserved better than that. Than her. She’d mess up again, act out, hurt everyone. She wanted more than anything to run.  


But… She didn’t, despite herself.   


Sae sat virtually unmoving as the early light of dawn crept through the windows. Momo stirred next to her.  


“Are you awake?” Sae asked, staring at the TV.  


“Mn,” Momo replied.  


“I think I love you.”  


Silence.  


“I just thought you should know.”  


“Let’s get married,” Momo said drowsily.  


“Oh, yeah,” Sae rolled her eyes. “One-up me. That’s real nice.”  


“I want to have a family with you. You’d be a good mom.”  


Sae giggled quietly, covering her face with one hand. “Jeez…”  


“Is it weird that you get me like no one else does?”  


“No, it just makes you a crazy lady.”  


“Well,” Momo hugged Sae closer, “maybe I am.”  


“I’ve decided, then. I do love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> (less-than-)brief intermission from my other fic to finish this guy. It's been pretty much finished for a couple months and I started it bfore plus one so i just wanted to get it out my drafts honestly. yeah the pacings a little weird but let's be real, saemomos. yall dont have much other content so can u really be picky? (thats a joke i love yall)


End file.
